The Kiss of Get Off Me
by Amelia-Maria
Summary: The Kiss of Life: A lifesaver, literally. But will it work on demons? Especially the fiesty ones? Includes both crack and drama. Rated for cursing.


This is, like, one of the oldest stories I have, and it is a strange mix of crack and drama. No slash, sorry if you were hoping for it. The last time I checked, CPR didn't constitute as an intimate relationship.

Anywho, hope you enjoy my very ancient fanfic and all of its un-beta'd glory. Please note that a lot of stuff is written awkwardly, because I wrote this about five years ago. No, really.

Disclaimer: Don't own YYH. Ahh... the things that would happen to Yusuke if I did...

* * *

It had been a long, _long_ day. Kurama decided this halfway through his Calculus period at school, and the day had only worsened when Koenma had decided to send the 'idiots squared' to find the redhead and Hiei. A higher class demon had escaped into the ningen world somewhere near the northern side of the city. Why couldn't someone else take care of it? Because they were too busy. It seemed to Kurama that the Spirit World was running low on detectives to send out on missions – either that, or Koenma just enjoyed giving the team hard tasks.

"Look, big guy, if you just lay down quietly and quit threatening to destroy all of me and Kuwabara's mankind, I won't have to kick your ass." That was Yusuke. Always the straightforward type.

Koenma warned them that the demon they were after was drawn to large bodies of water. Thus, the four of them - Yusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei and Kurama - were currently standing at the edge of a lake staring at an eight-foot-tall, deep blue, unattractive, and severely pissed off demon. It was snarling angrily at them in words that Kurama was positive he didn't want to understand.

"Hey, Urameshi, I don' think he's listening," Kuwabara commented dully, spirit sword already in hand.

Kurama heard Hiei scoff from where he was standing next to him.

"Perhaps if you simply cut him to pieces, Detective, it will be much more easier to get him to surrender," the fire demon suggested dryly, earning a deeper snarl from the demon. Kurama gave Hiei a withering look.

"Koenma specifically ordered us to bring him back relatively alive, Hiei," the redhead warned. "Just be patient. Let Yusuke handle this for a moment."

"Yusuke rarely thinks during a fight, Kurama. I'll give him _only_ a moment."

"I heard that!" Yusuke snapped, already aiming his glowing index finger at the demon's head. The creature roared threateningly and stepped forward, but Yusuke had already fired off several shots.

The beams of energy missed the demon entirely as it merely hopped out of the way and dove into the lake. It was then that Kurama decided that it was going to be a very _long_ day indeed.

"_Fantastic_ job, Detective. Did you aim this time?" Hiei sneered, and didn't seem to notice the glance that Kurama gave him. The fire demon drew his katana and made his way over to the waterside with the obvious intention of killing the water creature himself.

"Too much power, I guess," Yusuke muttered, staring at his finger as if it were the finger's fault he'd missed.

"Maybe you should attempt to use your head, Urameshi," Kuwabara gloated. After all, _he_ didn't screw up and miss a demon that was standing ten feet away from him.

"I didn't see you powering up your finger to hit anything!" Yusuke snapped, "Maybe next time you should do something with that shiny stick in your hands!" And the detective told Kuwabara exactly where he could put his spirit sword for starters.

Kurama decided that perhaps it would be a good time to relax and gain back whatever alertness he'd had before the demon jumped into the lake. After all, the water demon could survive underwater for at least thirty minutes, and it wasn't likely that the creature was going to resurface any time soon looking for the quick death that Hiei's blade promised. With a long sigh, the redhead leaned against a nearby tree with his arms folded over his chest and his eyes closed.

He still had to study for that Calculus test coming up in two days. No matter how much knowledge Youko had stored up for him, he never did quite understand the meaning of Calculus. What with the botanical knowledge he already possessed, he found it useless for a ningen boy like himself to continue studying the subject. Frowning slightly, he sighed.

A sudden splash caught his attention, and his eyes snapped open just in time to see the demon pop its hand out of the water and grab Hiei's ankle. The fire demon let out a sharp yelp of undignified surprise as he was dragged into the lake. Yusuke and Kuwabara's screams were followed by Kurama calling out the fire demon's name.

"Crap, I couldn't even follow what happened!" Kuwabara's eyes searched the disturbed surface of the water, but all he could see were short ripples and a fluttering black splotch in the depths of the lake.

"Do either of you know how to swim?" Kurama asked them both in a strangely calm voice. Kuwabara's expression of embarrassment told the redhead how badly he'd failed his elementary school swimming class, but Yusuke narrowed his eyes in determination and nodded. Without a word, the black-haired detective stripped off his outer shirt and dove into the water, already firing up his spirit gun again.

Kuwabara began pacing after twenty seconds. "What if they don't come up?"

"I'll have to grow one of the Makai plants, then," Kurama said quietly, staring unblinkingly at the water in anticipation. A flash of light caused a flurry of ripples to expand across the water, and the redhead crouched down on the bank with a ready hand held out.

Seconds later, Yusuke burst out of the water with a heavy inhale, gripping Kurama's wrist with one hand while holding onto Hiei's cloak with the other. Hiei was not in the cloak.

"That thing bit his arm and dragged him away from me," Yusuke explained through a few coughs. Kurama's eyes narrowed. He didn't expect for things to go so terribly. Hiei couldn't swim. The fire demon could barely even float. He'd nearly drowned in three feet of water in the children's pool at the park when Kurama had invited him one summer's night.

"You let him go?" Kurama asked in a dangerously quiet voice as the detective climbed out of the water. Yusuke flinched through his panting.

"Cool your jets, Kurama, the thing attacked me, too," he defended, gesturing to the deep scratch that ran down his side through his white undershirt.

"I'll find him." Kurama quickly shrugged off his school shirt and tossed it onto the bank. Then, he looked over his shoulder at the two human boys, both of whom were looking extremely unsettled about the idea of their smartest teammate jumping into a bowlful of danger. "If I don't come up, just fire several blasts into the water. Hopefuly, that will frighten the demon into resurfacing. Then, you'll have a clear shot."

"You'd better come back up!" Yusuke shouted at the redhead, but Kurama had already jumped into the water.

It was freezing cold. Kurama felt a twinge of uncharacteristic dislike for Koenma. The air was chilly enough, but surely Koenma knew what the water felt like?

_Hiei_..? Kurama called out mentally for the fire demon, his human eyes much too pathetic to use underwater. When he received no response, he called the fire demon's name louder. Just how deep was the lake?

Kicking his legs, the redhead squinted his eyes as hard as he could in search of the fair skin and black clothing that would lead him to Hiei. All he could see was the deepest color of blue laced with the foliage that graced his stomach as he drifted along. Still nothing. His human lungs began burning, but his mind was thinking, _No, no, no! You can stay under a little longer! Five more seconds!_.

In the end, Kurama gasped for air as he resurfaced, pushing his hair away from his eyes. He heard Kuwabara calling to him from the shore.

"Didja find him?" For once, the orange-haired boy actually sounded worried. Kurama ignored him and dove back underwater.

He _would_ find him. Kurama and Hiei had been partners in crime longer than Yusuke and Kuwabara had even known each other. If anyone was going to die on this mission, it would be the demon who'd tried to take two of Kurama's teammates' lives in a row.

There. Kurama felt a lift of hope in his stomach when he sighted a limp and deathly pale form that was merely a smudge of white to his eyes. A dark shadow swam past Hiei's body, and Kurama could see the rust-colored cloud drifting up towards him. Hiei's blood.

With movements that were agonizingly slow in the water, Kurama pulled a seed out of his hair and crushed it between his fingers. A vine-like plant snaked out of his palm and grew itself towards Hiei, miniature hands reaching out to grab him. However, before they could pull the fire demon to safety, the water demon was back, snarling in a clear tone and biting the plant in half. Kurama gritted his teeth.

_Hiei_!, he called again, sounding impatient, _Answer me_!

Two meager bubbles of air escaped the fire demon's slackened jaw. He was going to drown. Kurama was frustrated. His mind knew exactly what to do. He'd have to swim closer to the fire demon and bring out his rose whip to defend himself as he swam back to the surface. Once Yusuke had a clear shot, he could take out the water demon easily. However, Kurama's body was quickly running out of its air supply, and if he resurfaced again, Hiei could be dislodged to an even deeper part of the lake.

An air bubble barely the size of his littlest finger's nail drifted up past Kurama. The last of the air in Hiei's lungs. Kurama's heart skipped a beat. The fire demon was going to die. A human body could last without air for six minutes, but how long could a demon of Hiei's size last? Three or four?

If he had been breathing air, Kurama would have let out a cry of anger, but there was neither the time nor oxygen for that. Instead, the redhead used the majority of his energy to swim down to Hiei's body where he grabbed the fire demon around the middle and began to tug him up toward the surface. For a moment, he was surprised that he hadn't been attacked.

Of course, he spoke too soon.

A line of pain – merely a thin cut – was opened in his cheek, and Kurama saw the dark shadow of the water demon swerve past him. Struggling to keep his grip on Hiei, Kurama reached into the back of his hair once more and brought out his rose whip. It moved just as deadly underwater as he did on land.

The water demon careened back into the depths of the lake with a missing arm. Hiei would applaud Kurama for doing that later.

"Yusuke!" Kurama called as soon as he burst out of the water. "Yusuke, come get him!"

The two human boys crouched down to receive the fire demon as Kurama pushed his lifeless body from the water. After coughing a few times, the redhead pulled himself up onto the bank as well. His body shivered uncontrollably; the breeze chilled him to the bone.

"He's not breathing," Yusuke said worriedly, rolling the small demon onto his back. After pressing his fingers to Hiei's throat, and then holding his hand over his mouth, Yusuke shook his head. "Nothing."

"CPR?" Kuwabara guessed, looking from Yusuke to Kurama. Yusuke shrugged.

"Didn't learn any."

"Geez, did you just up and fail the fifth grade, Urameshi?"

"Now is not the time to bicker," Kurama snapped, much unlike himself. He wrung out the front of his shirt and stepped briskly over to the group, kneeling down at Hiei's side. The fire demon's lips were blue, and his face was a ghastly gray color. Behind them, the water was rippling once more.

"Yusuke, Kuwabara, you two take care of the demon. I can handle this," Kurama said quickly in his smooth, calm voice, though his hands shook. He didn't even turn around as he heard the two humans ran back towards the bank. Several splashes and explicatives were heard, though no bodies hit the water. Good.

He'd learned CPR in his former life, though at the time, he hadn't known what the name for it was. In fact, he didn't even follow a specific procedure when Youko was still his primary form. A few good slaps to the face followed by the press of lips and pumps to the chest usually woke one of his comrades up pretty quickly. As a ningen child, he'd been taught the correct process in school.

Cupping his hands over Hiei's chest, Kurama pushed down firmly, counting. Soft, gurgling sounds echoed from the fire demon's mouth, a sign that there was water in his lungs. His heartbeat was faint.

"Hiei..." Kurama narrowed his eyes in concentration and pushed on the fire demon's chest a few more times. Once again, the watery gurgles were emitted. The redhead swallowed hard. He knew very well that he'd have to give the demon mouth to mouth, but he wasn't so sure that he would enjoy having Hiei wake up with lips pressed against his open mouth.

It was then that, for the first time in his life, Kurama couldn't give a flying damn what Hiei would think after he woke up. As long as the fire demon woke up at all, he'd be satisfied.

Kurama tilted Hiei's chin back and hesitated a second longer before pressing his mouth to the fire demon's. His lips were cold. Using his diaphragm, the redhead puffed two full breaths into Hiei's lungs, satisfied when he felt them expand greatly. Leaning back, he pressed down on Hiei's chest a few more times, then repeated the mouth-to-mouth.

"Come _on_," Kurama said in a quiet, but frustrated voice. Hiei was still lifeless, minus the slow beat of his heart. It was beginning to scare Kurama. "Hiei, wake up."

Push. Push. Push. Push. Push. Tilt head. Cold lips. Breathe hard. Breathe hard. Repeat. Worry. Repeat.

He'd heard of CPR cases being unsuccessful. The person who drowned simply couldn't expel the water from their lungs. It was usually a fluke, or the savior had been too late. Kurama pressed his lips into a thin line and continued with the CPR, his brow furrowing deeply. He had to restrain himself from giving Hiei a few unnecessary slaps to the head as Youko would have done.

What would happen if the CPR just stopped working? It had been two minutes already. Kurama was panting, and his face was flushed. His hands became more fervent on Hiei's chest as he desperately waited for the wet gurgles to become breathing. Earlier in his life as Youko, he believed that if Hiei died, it would only serve as a loss of a comrade and nothing more. Now, seeing Hiei lifelessly sprawled on the ground, under his hands, cold lips pressed by his own human ones, Kurama felt a lump rise in his throat. He needed Hiei to stay alive. It was too soon for the fire demon to die.

It was on his tenth set of breaths when Kurama felt a spurt of water in his mouth. Surprised, he fell back on his rear with his hand covering his lips. Hiei coughed again, and another dribble of water escaped his lips and trickled down his chin as he attempted to sit up. Snapping out of his daze, Kurama leaned over to help the fire demon.

"Hiei?" His voice cracked. "Hiei, are you alright?"

The fire demon gave a few more wet coughs before lapsing into deep and heavy pants of air. His face was flushed, no longer its deathly pale color. In fact, his face seemed a little [i]_too_[/i] flushed. Instinctively, Kurama shut down all open thoughts in his head, remembering that Hiei could see what he was thinking. What had he even thought of to make Hiei redden so much?

"You kissed me," Hiei said in his quiet, even tone. His expression was unreadable, though Kurama could tell that he was definitely not happy.

"I saved your life, Hiei," Kurama choked out when he finally found his correct breathing cycle again. "I was giving you air. Nothing more."

Hiei untrustingly raised an eyebrow, looking the redhead over suspiciously. There were no signs of heat on the youko whatsoever. Just as evenly as he spoke, the fire demon lay back down on the damp ground underneath himself, eyes still locked on Kurama. His eyes closed.

"Show me," he said in his still-emotionless voice. It was beginning to unnerve Kurama. The redhead had expected the demon to threaten him with a slow and painful death, but instead, he was being given curiosity in the most ludicrous form. The fire demon probably wasn't even in his right mind from being unconscious without air for so long.

"Hiei, I can't just _show_ you. You have to be unconsc-"

"I didn't ask for a rebuttal, I asked for you to show me what you just did. I could see your thoughts, but they weren't clear." Hiei's first visible emotion was a threatening glare. "_Show me_, Kurama."

Kurama was stumped. Wasn't it enough to go to school and then science club and then demon hunting and then demon _saving_? Now the gods were tossing in a free dose of distrust between him and his closest comrade. The universe was ridiculous.

"Just don't be angry with me," Kurama mumbled as he placed one hand on the ground next to Hiei's head and the other underneath his chin as he had done before. He lowered his head slightly, then hesitated. He wondered what it would feel like to have his head cut off. The French Revolution was an awful thing to understand, but one did become curious. Would a guillotine feel the same as a katana?

The redhead gulped before lowering his head the rest of the way and pressing his open mouth against Hiei's. He breathed exactly as he had done while the fire demon was unconscious, except-

"Get off me!" Hiei's surprised and childish tone startled Kurama into falling back. After recovering from the fall, he wiped at his bottom lip where Hiei had surprisingly... bitten him. Blood soaked the bottom of his mouth.

"I told you that I was giving you air," Kurama protested. Hiei snarled violently.

"Damned fox! Keep your urges to yourself next time." The fire demon was on his feet and running off towards the trees in the next second. Kurama was still staring at the foliage when Yusuke and Kuwabara joined him again. There was a severed arm in Kuwabara's hand.

"The Kiss of Life?" Kuwabara guessed with a goofy grin down at Kurama, who was still nursing at his lip. Yusuke laughed out loud, clapping a hand on the redhead's shoulder before helping him up.

"More like the Kiss of Get Off Me." The Detective shook his head, still chuckling as he made his way down the forest path again. Kuwabara tossed the demon's arm into the water with a wet plunk. Kurama winced.

"D'you think that Koenma really wanted that demon guy alive?" Kuwabara nudged Yusuke in the side and received his own rough jab in return.

"I hope not. If all else fails, we can just get Kurama to kiss that thing back into existence."

That. Was. It.

"Yusuke." Kurama's tone was cool and collected, but his hand was holding an expanding club-like plant.

"Yeah?" The black-haired detective's eyes widened considerably.

"Run."


End file.
